But I didn't jump!

Seems I should have been a basketball player, long jump maestro or maybe a kangaroo because my physio (now forced to see one following Doc Google debacle) says I have Jumper's Knee. But I don't jump. I barely hop from one foot to the other when running; in fact the other day when I was plodding the streets of Dodges Ferry I realised I was borderline walking if not for the tiniest bit of air gained between each step. This got me thinking - a dangerous side effect of running alone - what is it that separates running from walking?

Surely it has to be more than that smidgen of air between footstrikes that causes passers by to question why I look so pained. And that's difference one: running hurts, walking doesn't. Never have I been walking the dogs on the beach with an expression akin to a constipated individual attempting to pass a baguette, sideways. But add that bit of air between each step and I can scare young children into chronic agoraphobia. It's not that I move that much faster than somebody going for an evening stroll, so why the pain, and why do we invest so much thought, time and cash on preparing for the pain?

Next generation running compression to avoid cranial ballooning

Which brings me to difference number two: runners wear tights, walkers (men at least) do not. Runners compress themselves so vigorously these days in the never ending battle against muscle freakout that it's a wonder that our heads have not ballooned because they appear to be the only part of the body not swathed in Spandex.

Difference three has got to be the arms. If I waved them around like that while walking the dogs the poor little beasts would find themselves airborne at the other end of the leash...not a bad upper body workout though.

Can't think of any more right now; although there are those unique little things that plague us runners, such as the sensation of a hamster slowly nibbling your nipples whenever you wear a cotton t-shirt, but I'm sure there's more, and I'd gratefully like to hear from anyone who can justify the reason to run when walking allows one freedom from constipated grimaces, desires to dress like a capeless Superman, and the need to pump ones arms about like a lunatic.

This of course is all needless questioning for me, for my future as a jumper, not runner or walker has now been mapped out by my troublesome knee. Tennis elbow next week maybe?